FAQs: My Un-Wedding

If Game of Thrones has taught me anything, it's that nobody likes weddings.

If Game of Thrones has taught me anything, it’s that nobody likes weddings. Especially Joffrey.

I’ve never enjoyed going to weddings and have always been fairly vocal about it, to the point that years later, now that I’m engaged, family and friends have inquired, “Are you having a wedding?” “What is your wedding going to be like?” And people who don’t know me assume that I’m up for doing the whole bread-and-circuses, over-the-top debacle of the traditional modern wedding and ask questions like, “So, what are your colors?”

What does that mean?!? What are “colors”? And why do I need to have them?????

To field all such questions, I’ve created a “Guide to Kate and Scott’s Wedding” for any and all that are interested. See below to get your FAQs answered:

Q: When is your wedding?

A: September 5, 2015.

Q: Can I come?

A: Only if you belong in the center of my very special Venn diagram.

This is my very special Wedding Guest Venn Diagram.

This is my very special Wedding Guest Venn Diagram.

Q: You’ve always said you hate weddings and you don’t want one. What gives?

A: It was easy to say that kind of stuff back when I was single and wasn’t sure if I wanted to get married. Then I met Scott and couldn’t imagine not marrying him. (“Aaawwwww!” Yes, yes, very cute.) Reality has hit me. I’ve realized that marriage is not just about two people coming together, it’s about two families, two groups of friends, two cultures (or in this case, one culture multiplied by two) coming together and resulting in a conglomerate of expectations.

I had dinner with my high school friend Brittany recently. She told me about a friend of hers who had eloped without having a shower, ceremony, reception, party, or any kind of event in honor of his wedding. She was hurt and upset that he would make such an important life decision without allowing his family and friends the chance to celebrate him and his wife. For the first time, I understood why weddings are important to people. It’s not about the poofy dresses or the mason jar centerpieces (Why is everyone so obsessed with mason jars???) or the “colors,” it’s simply about giving the people who love you the chance to show their support.

Q: So, now that I know that you’ve sold out, what are you gonna do for your wedding?

A: Scott’s mom came up with an idea that is GENIUS. SOOOOO GENUIS. The problem: Scott’s and my loved ones live all around the country, and they all expect/want a wedding. The other problem: Scott and I are lazy and cheap and we don’t want to go broke and/or insane planning a wedding that we will probably be too exhausted to enjoy anyway. The other other problem: We want our actual wedding day to be just for us and those closest to us. But, we want the chance to celebrate with as many people-we-know-who-don’t-suck as possible.

The solution: We are breaking up the traditionally gigantic, intimidating, panic-inducing extravaganza of back-to-back “rehearsal dinner/luncheon/ceremony/reception/blah blah blah” into several small events. Basically, oh loved ones, we are coming to you instead of you having to come to us. Think of it as a “Kate and Scott Wedding Tour 2015!” Maybe we should make shirts with all the dates on the back!

Open House Party (Salt Lake City, UT): July 11, 2015

Bachelorette Party (Portland, OR): August 22, 2015

*Open House Party (Las Vegas, NV): August 29, 2015

Sealing/Wedding Day: September 5, 2015

Open House Party (Phoenix, AZ): October 10, 2015

The reasons people come to weddings are 1) they want to eat cake, 2) they want a chance to see the bride and groom, 3) they want to socialize, and 4) they want to eat cake. We will be accomplishing all those goals without requiring people to make a long trip and risk disappointing them with our lack of mason jars.

*Anyone coming from out-of-town to the Vegas open house will be treated to a very good time for the entire weekend by yours truly.

Q: If I’m invited to, say, the open house and the bachelorette party, or the open house and the sealing, can I come to both? Do I have to come to both?

A: You may come to any and all of the events you are invited to and are welcome to pick and choose. I understand not everyone will be able to make it to everything. We are doing it this way so it is easier for you as a guest with a busy schedule on what some may consider to be short notice for a wedding.

Q: Wait a minute…what’s a “sealing?”

A: Scott and I will be married and sealed–meaning we’ll be united not just for life but for eternity in the afterlife–in the LDS temple. (Yes, I am super Mormon now. Despite watching Game of Thrones.) As such, the guest list will be restricted based on a) size of the sealing room and b) which guests have access to the temple. I am inviting some people to the sealing who won’t actually be able to go inside and see it, but trust me; if this applies to you, you are not missing much, it’s only about 10 minutes long. And you still get to see me exit the temple in my exquisite dress AND attend the downright lovely dinner party we are planning for after the ceremony.

Q: When is your reception?

A: Never. Receptions are terrible and nobody likes them. Just ask anyone with the last name Stark.

Q: But…I don’t understand! Why are you doing it this way? DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND EVERYONE DOES IT A CERTAIN WAY AND YOU’RE DEVIATING FROM THE NORM

A: You are now in the purple circle of the Venn diagram.

Screen Shot 2015-04-20 at 10.00.03 PM

Invitations will be sent out in late May. At some point I will post a page or another site entirely with all of the details about each event. And please, for the love of mason jars, send me your addresses if you have not already!

Advertisements

One thought on “FAQs: My Un-Wedding

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s