Marry/Bang/Kill: Spain, Italy, or Germany?

As promised in a previous post, I am frequently asked, “How’s married life?”

And my answer is, “I have no idea.” The day after Scott and I got back from our honeymoon I packed yet another bag, turned around, and flew out to Sacramento for a two-week business trip and then again to the Bay Area for another three weeks. Basically, I have spent hardly any time with my husband since we’ve been married.

That is one reason this post has taken so long to write. The other reason is that I have been suffering from low-grade exhaustion for the past two months. *Yay*

I’ve long made it clear that the honeymoon was the part of my wedding I was most looking forward to. And it did not disappoint whatsoever. Scott and I jetted off to Donostia-San Sebastian in northern Spain for one glorious week as we staved off the stupid American urges to check our work e-mails and stay up late to watch football games. Overall, I think we did a pretty good job of being European. We walked everywhere, ate lots of small, delicious meals, and passed the days away by the sunny coast and the nights in various cobbled alleyways teeming with both locals and tourists. Scott got to practice his Spanish, even though he possesses a distinctly Argentine dialect, and I got to practice feeling humiliated and inadequate because I was forced to confront the fact that I have forgotten about 95% of the Spanish I learned in high school.

Scott loves to torture me by forcing me to play “Marry/Bang/Kill?” and he did so frequently during our trip. For those of you 65 years old and above who have never heard of this game, you say “Marry, bang, kill,” and then list the names of three people. The other person chooses who they’d marry, who they’d bang, and who they’d kill out of the names you’ve listed. But the whole point of the game is to make it a difficult choice, and you can do that either by picking the names of three people you know the person really likes so they struggle over who they’d bang versus who they’d marry, and most of all who they’d have to kill. Or, you could go the alternate route, picking three names of people you know the player dislikes so they’d struggle to pick who to bang or marry. Here’s an example:

Scott: “Bang/marry/kill: Andrew Luck, Cam Newton, Marcus Mariota?”


Another thing Scott and I did a lot of on the trip is compare Spain to other places we’d been to, specifically western European countries. That’s when Scott pulled out the big guns and asked me: “Marry, bang, kill: Spain, Germany, Italy?”

This was one of those instances when the game is more difficult because I had to choose between three things I like. Outside of Albania (which is a world of its own), those are the three European countries I’ve spent the most time in and therefore have a halfway decent knowledge of.* I never gave Scott an answer, but I’ve been thinking about it since, and here’s what I’ve decided:

*Disclaimer: I am not an accomplished traveler whatsoever. 100% of my experiences in these countries have been as a tourist for a brief period of time, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. Actually, you should probably do that with every opinion I ever have.

Bang: Spain. I’d totally bang Spain. The people are sexy–even the babies–their attitude is easygoing yet passionate at the same time, and the food is delicious. Basque country is famous for its pintxos, or tapas, little bites of savory foods in endless combinations and flavors. Every night we’d go to a tapas bar, collect little morsels of meals on a plate, and pay by the bite. Eating humanely-portioned foods gradually throughout the night resulted in us filling up faster and with less food than we would at an American restaurant, and remarkably, we did not lapse into a food coma after our meal. This is how humans should be eating.

I’m not a beach person, but La Concha (Kontxa) is spectacular: fine, smooth, toasty sand meets crystal blue Atlantic water filled with hot Europeans and pasty American tourists. We spent hours sunning and swimming and I never got bored. Add some chocolate gelato and there’s nothing better on earth.

We loved our time in Spain, and I could definitely have a passionate affair with this place.

To me, this sign perfectly encapsulates Germany--and myself.

To me, this sign perfectly encapsulates Germany–and myself. You can take it as being either bossy and authoritarian or trying to give you a high-five.

Marry: Germany. This is probably no surprise to anyone. Germany is my spirit country. It’s very clean and industrial and orderly, which is pretty much how I run my life. Yet it’s also slightly impaired when it’s having a good time, which also describes me.

I went to Munich by myself over a year ago and it changed my life. After I took the LSAT, I spent my days wandering through museums full of ancient Greek and Roman sculptures, stumbling in to and out of beer gardens, and eating my fill of hearty, robust foods served by jolly Bavarian women. (You can read about that trip here.)

When it comes to a long term commitment, I’m putting my proverbial ring on Deutschland and it’s intensity, openness, and resiliency.

Florentine steak--it tastes as good as it looks. I lost about 1.754 years off of my life after eating this.

Florentine steak–it tastes as good as it looks. I lost about 1.754 years off of my life after eating this.

Kill: Italy. This is the part of the game that I hate. Sorry, Italy. I do love you, I promise! I love your cathedrals and your museums and your history and your food. The problem is, I love your food too much, and if I don’t kill you, you will kill me first. I could not marry Italy because I would gain 300 lbs. And if I banged Italy, I would keep coming back for more, and then Germany would divorce me which isn’t great because our prenup is pretty iron-clad.

I just read this post and realized how stuck-up I sound. “Oh yes, I went to this beautiful European country but it was different than these other beautiful European countries that I’ve been to.” I hope this was interesting to somebody in some way, particularly the photos, which people have been asking me for for weeks.


3 thoughts on “Marry/Bang/Kill: Spain, Italy, or Germany?

  1. Cheryl says:

    If anyone is 65 or older, they may have a difficult time with the term “bang”–I suspect they will be wondering, “Why do you want to shoot Spain if you think it is so sexy?”


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