It took me a while to get in to Snapchat. At first I thought it was only for NBA players to accidentally post nudes and thought it was dumb that the posts disappear after 24 hours. However, I soon realized that the fact that posts disappear is THE BEST THING about Snapchat. Why? Because, if you’re anything like me, you post stuff on social media that you think is cool at the time but actually just ends up sounding dumb–as I am constantly reminded by my Timehop app. (“Ugh, why did I tweet random Frank Ocean lyrics twice a day in 2011?! Oh, right, I was trying to seem sexy.”)
Snapchat is a great way to get a literal glimpse of peoples’ lives and not necessarily have to interact with them if you don’t want to.If you’re not interested in something, you can just tap through it and your feed goes straight to the next post. It’s way less time to check your Snapchat feed than it is to check your Facebook or Twitter feeds. Facebook is for major life events, Instagram is for photos that you’re proud of and want to memorialize, and Twitter is for commentary on news/sports games/award shows/other live events. But what about all the rest? What about the mildly interesting or quirky occasions that don’t necessarily need to be remembered? That is visceral, fleeting Snapchat territory.
But now that I’ve used it enough, just like other social media platforms, there is behavior I see almost daily on Snapchat that really busts my balls and is sure to result in an “unfollow”…eventually. But first, I’m gonna complain about it.
- Filters. They can be fun, but it’s very easy to abuse them. Before you post a selfie of yourself as a dog or a bumblebee or a deceivingly prettier version of yourself with a crown of flowers, think to yourself: “Would I be annoyed if I had to tap through 26 of my friends with dog and bumblebee and flower crown faces every day?” Because the answer, if you can’t guess, is YES. Everybody please, please cool it with the filters–if I’m following you, that I means I already know what you look like. I can probably stretch my imagination to envision what your face looks like with the dog or bumblebee or flower crown filter, because guess what? It’s the exact same as everyone else’s.
- Driving. WHAT ARE YOU DOING SNAPPING WHILE DRIVING?!!! You’re gonna kill someone! Every time I see a shot of the Strip or L.A. or the Utah countryside taken from the driver’s seat, I die a little inside. These snaps are not interesting enough to warrant vehicular manslaughter.
- Sending people snaps that are the same as your Story. If I’m following you and you posted a Story, I’m probably going to look at it anyway. You don’t need to send it directly to me too. Unless it specifically is for me, then just put it on your Story and I will see it like everyone else.
- Excessive chatting. FYI, the chat function on Snapchat is not a good venue for “keeping in touch.” Send me a Facebook message where you can actually fit all the words you want to type if you want to catch up.
- Volume. Video snaps can be way cool and there are a lot of people I follow who are really good at them. But the occasions when I’m around people looking at snaps with the volume on are SUPER annoying. If you’re on Snapchat in a public place, do everyone a favor and either set it to mute or check it later when you’re by yourself.
- Floating head videos. Don’t take snaps of yourself talking, because half of your followers don’t have the sound on if they’re not tryna be RUDE and commit Annoying Snapchat Violation #5. If you want to have a video diary, there’s another app for that, and it’s called YouTube.
- Snaps of THE SAME THING, OVER AND OVER in succession. “You’re at a concert! That looks fun! Oh, it’s a man playing a song on his guitar. That’s cool. Oh! There’s another snap…of the same man. Playing a different song this time. (Maybe? All country music sounds the same to me.) Oh, and now there he is playing another–well, screw this, ain’t nobody got time for 37 Garth Brooks songs in a row!”
- Snaps of things that are also on other social media sites. I already saw this exact photo on your Instagram, which is also linked to your Facebook and your Twitter. You just REALLY wanted me to see your nephew and his dog in the grass, didn’t you?
- Dick pics. UGH stop sending me nudes, Draymond! I’m a married woman!