The past two days have been a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. I feel like I switched brains with Dick Cheney, ate some bad Mexican food, and then dropped a bunch of acid. Like so many other people, I’m reeling—I genuinely thought Trump would lose. Why? I’ve read lots of speculation about this, and done some of my own. First, there were obviously a lot of secret Trump supporters out there that didn’t answer honestly when polled. Second, this election brought a lot of disillusioned non-voters out of the woodwork who normally don’t participate because Trump was such a unique non-establishment candidate. But most of all, I realized, I don’t really know a lot of Trump supporters. I went to the University of Bleeding Heart Oregon, then joined the Peace Corps, and now work in higher education. I’ve been surrounded by Jon Stewart, Karl Marx, and JFK for most of my adult life. Trump’s election makes me feel so disconnected from my countrymen, and for the first time I’ve realized that I’ve been living in a bubble.
As a result, I’m surprised by the perspective I’ve developed in response to the past 48 hours of life in Pre-Trump Nation. They are all things I never, ever considered because I never, ever imagined our next President to be anybody but Hillary Clinton—or, in a few dreams I’ve had, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
So, these are all of my really unpopular opinions about the election that nobody asked for, mingled with my other really unpopular opinions. I figured I should just hash it all out here:
- No, you’re not moving to Canada. Seriously, CALM DOWN. It’s not the end of the world. If we’re smart then we’ll all band together and work to make this country a better place to live regardless of who our leader is or what colors the House and Senate are. If we’re not smart…well, we’ll continue to do what we’ve done for a while now, which is be at each other’s throats. Let’s be smart.
- Pumpkin pie is gross.
- I’ve gotta hand it to Trump. He did what no one else has: be elected President as a complete outsider. I am as fascinated and intrigued as I am blindsided and confused. More than anything, I am genuinely curious to see what he will do in his Presidency.
- Karaoke is not fun.
- I hate Donald Trump and think he’s a bad person. However, he is my President although I didn’t vote for him. This is the choice that my countrymen the electoral college has made and I respect that. I hope for the sake of our country that he does a great job. I think it’s awfully selfish and unpatriotic to root against him and/or assume that he will ruin everything without giving him a chance. He will probably ruin some things, but maybe make some other things better just like every other President has. If he’s “not your president,” than maybe this is “not your country.” In that case, Canada will be getting some of our most melodramatic citizens.
- Disneyland is overrated.
- I think it’s very short-sighted to assume that Hillary lost just because she’s a woman. She lost because she was a bad candidate. People do not like her, and for some it might be because of her gender, but for a lot of people (myself included) it’s because she was not inspiring other than the fact that she happens to be A) a member of an underrepresented group in politics and B) not Donald Trump. Many voters were choosing between the lesser of two evils, as sad as that is. Hillary represented the evil of the status quo, and the voters spoke against it.
- The Princess Bride sucks.
- I Googled “Trump on the issues” right after it became apparent he’d be elected. I came to a disappointing realization that I didn’t actually know what any of his stances were before casting my own vote; I had based my decision on all his controversial sound bites I’d heard on the news. I abhor all the disparaging comments he’s made about Hispanics and women like any person with a heart and a brain, but I never actually took the time to research what Trump proposed to do until after he was elected. Although I don’t agree with many of his positions, I found his policies to be less extreme than I had been led to believe, and there were even some that I could get behind–like reforming the tax code. I still wouldn’t have voted for him, but what if every American took the time to research each candidate’s solutions to the issues rather than relying on the media to inform a purely emotional decision at the polls like I did? How many of us did that on Tuesday, and what would things look like if we hadn’t?
- Zooey Deschanel is annoying.
- SNL is gonna be hilarious for the next four years. Donald Trump is wrong about Alec Baldwin’s impression of Donald Trump: he is perfect. I am also looking forward to hearing Trump repeatedly pronounce China like “Gina” just as Bush pronounced nuclear as “nuke-ular.”
- Pineapple should never be found near a pizza, let alone ON TOP OF IT. This is the real evil that is plaguing our country.
Overall, I think I learned a lot from Trump’s election. I am motivated to become a better citizen so that we don’t end up with Clinton vs. Trump again. But more importantly, I’m going to start a Super PAC to get pineapple off of our nation’s pizzas.