Un-Boring Life Update

Obviously, I haven’t posted anything in, like, eight months. I’m not going to apologize or explain myself because A) nobody cares and B) nothing all that interesting has happened to me anyway. Here’s the update: I am still in grad school. I got a new job. I just bought a house (a.k.a. am now in an extraordinary amount of debt for a house) and moved. I could write at length about any of these topics but they are all spectacularly boring. Seriously. If you want more details feel free to ask, but I am actively resisting becoming a boring middle-class white lady at all costs, which means I understand that nobody wants to hear about things like drapes and tile and how “just so busy!” I am.

However, the other day I was trying to find a photo on my phone that I had taken a long time ago. That’s when I realized that there is some weeeeird stuff on my Camera Roll. They say a picture is worth a thousand words; it occurred to me that these snapshots are way more emblematic of my life—not to mention more interesting—than if I were to write posts like “OMG you guys grad school is just like soooo hard!!” So, please enjoy these snippets of joy that occurred over the past eight months:

December 11, 2016


You pick which one is creepier.

December 15, 2016


I think I took this photo because I made dinner and Scott told me he would eat his asparagus but clearly he did NOT and just dumped it in the trash. So I had to shame him for it.

December 18, 2016


No idea what this is about.

January 25, 2017


That time Google (correctly) assumed that I have a big leeeessssbian crush on Bella Hadid.

February 17, 2017


I was in Texas for work so I went to the Dallas Aquarium by myself because my flight got cancelled. Of course it was mostly kids there so I definitely looked like a pedophile. Then my mom sent me what is probably the funniest text I’ve ever received.

March 29, 2017


Starbucks guy yelled “Kale?” when my drink was ready.

April 7, 2017


Oh, I went to Costa Rica! It was great. Could not recommend going there highly enough—it is one of the most special places I’ve ever been. I met lots of great people there, but this guy was my favorite.

April 29, 2017


This is my leg, THREE WEEKS after coming back from Central America, and I’m STILL PEELING. The sun is no joke the closer you get the Equator.

May 6, 2017


This is when I finally learned how to apply highlighter.

May 20, 2017


When I (yet again) mistakenly thought it would be fun to be blonde.

May 31, 2017


I think my ear hurt but I wasn’t close to a mirror so I took a picture of it to see if there was anything weird going on.

June 12, 2017


Bae Squad ❤ Only thing I miss about my old job is the people.

June 15, 2017


I went to hot Pilates and was taking pictures of my new leggings (yes, I’m THAT guy). This girl sat down next to me and only like 10 minutes later did I realize it was my friend. Shows you how observant I am. This is us all sweaty after class.

June 17, 2017


Scott got tampons for me 🙂 If that isn’t the ultimate sign of love, I don’t know what is.

June 29, 2017


I made a perfect “TU”—our logo at my new job—out of chapsticks for the New Student Orientation social and it was the most satisfying thing ever. There was also a balloon man there for the students’ kids…and me. (And yes, I do realize that the sword I’m holding is very phallic.)

July 5, 2017


Scott made me watch Fantastic Mr. Fox and in doing so introduced me to the best character ever created.

The End. Until next time…which may be another eight months. :-p


The Curse of the December Birthday

Do me a favor: Log in to your Facebook account, make note of everyone who has a December birthday, and give them a hug the next time you see them.

It’s a rough life for a Sagittarius such as myself. I was born on December 12, which is awesome because it’s 12/12, and in 2012 I was like “OMG it’s 12/12/12!!!” and it was the best birthday ever. However, being an awesome December birthday person like myself has its drawbacks.

Basically, having a December birthday is COMPLETELY ruined by Christmas. Here’s the kind of crap that people try to pull with me every year:

1. “Well, Christmas is only two weeks away, so here’s your Christmas and birthday present.” NO. Just, NO. If my birthday was any other month of the year you’d be getting me two presents!!! But I only get one present because my parents decided to do it in March instead of February.

2. No one gets excited about your birthday because they’re distracted by Christmas. C’mon, Jesus! Quit trying to steal my birthday’s thunder! Wait a minute…Jesus was actually born in April, you say? And it was the Romans who rescheduled it to December 25 to coincide with an existing pagan holiday, you say? Oh…sorry, Jesus. We’re still cool, right?

3. The Day of Receiving is overwhelmed by the Season of Giving. My birthday is a day when I want to feel special and only have to worry about myself. But every year it coincides with the same season that I have to worry about what to buy for other people, then wrap in a garish bow, then have them say “Thanks” and never use it.

I’m really good at complaining (you know that if you’ve ever read any of my other posts), but I do have some solutions that other December birthdays and their loved ones can incorporate:

1. Half-birthdays. Half birthdays are AWESOME! My family decided to start celebrating half birthdays for me (December 12th ) and my brothers (December 19th and January 1st ) because my family members got sick of going broke buying six presents for us in the span of one month every year. Now, we celebrate our birthdays (at least gift-wise) on the first Saturday of every July and it’s a great idea!

2. Realize that other peoples’ birthdays are affected by bad timing too. I’ve discussed my December birthday first-world problem with others and they’ve pointed out that if your birthday is in late October, it’s overshadowed by Halloween parties. When you’re a kid and have a summer birthday, everyone at school is on break so they don’t bring cupcakes to school for you. If your birthday is on September 11th …well, that sucks. Basically, there is no end to the ways you can be disappointed on your birthday.

3. “How about you stop being so petty and materialistic, Kate? Why don’t you celebrate the next year of your life by being generous and giving of yourself to others rather than rudely demanding that they shower you with gifts you don’t need?” My response to that is:


12 Unpopular Opinions

The past two days have been a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. I feel like I switched brains with Dick Cheney, ate some bad Mexican food, and then dropped a bunch of acid. Like so many other people, I’m reeling—I genuinely thought Trump would lose. Why? I’ve read lots of speculation about this, and done some of my own. First, there were obviously a lot of secret Trump supporters out there that didn’t answer honestly when polled. Second, this election brought a lot of disillusioned non-voters out of the woodwork who normally don’t participate because Trump was such a unique non-establishment candidate. But most of all, I realized, I don’t really know a lot of Trump supporters. I went to the University of Bleeding Heart Oregon, then joined the Peace Corps, and now work in higher education. I’ve been surrounded by Jon Stewart, Karl Marx, and JFK for most of my adult life. Trump’s election makes me feel so disconnected from my countrymen, and for the first time I’ve realized that I’ve been living in a bubble.

As a result, I’m surprised by the perspective I’ve developed in response to the past 48 hours of life in Pre-Trump Nation. They are all things I never, ever considered because I never, ever imagined our next President to be anybody but Hillary Clinton—or, in a few dreams I’ve had, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

So, these are all of my really unpopular opinions about the election that nobody asked for, mingled with my other really unpopular opinions. I figured I should just hash it all out here:

  1. No, you’re not moving to Canada. Seriously, CALM DOWN. It’s not the end of the world. If we’re smart then we’ll all band together and work to make this country a better place to live regardless of who our leader is or what colors the House and Senate are. If we’re not smart…well, we’ll continue to do what we’ve done for a while now, which is be at each other’s throats. Let’s be smart.
  2. Pumpkin pie is gross.
  3. I’ve gotta hand it to Trump. He did what no one else has: be elected President as a complete outsider. I am as fascinated and intrigued as I am blindsided and confused. More than anything, I am genuinely curious to see what he will do in his Presidency.
  4. Karaoke is not fun.
  5. I hate Donald Trump and think he’s a bad person. However, he is my President although I didn’t vote for him. This is the choice that my countrymen the electoral college has made and I respect that. I hope for the sake of our country that he does a great job. I think it’s awfully selfish and unpatriotic to root against him and/or assume that he will ruin everything without giving him a chance. He will probably ruin some things, but maybe make some other things better just like every other President has. If he’s “not your president,” than maybe this is “not your country.” In that case, Canada will be getting some of our most melodramatic citizens.
  6. Disneyland is overrated.
  7. I think it’s very short-sighted to assume that Hillary lost just because she’s a woman. She lost because she was a bad candidate. People do not like her, and for some it might be because of her gender, but for a lot of people (myself included) it’s because she was not inspiring other than the fact that she happens to be A) a member of an underrepresented group in politics and B) not Donald Trump. Many voters were choosing between the lesser of two evils, as sad as that is. Hillary represented the evil of the status quo, and the voters spoke against it.
  8. The Princess Bride sucks.
  9. I Googled “Trump on the issues” right after it became apparent he’d be elected. I came to a disappointing realization that I didn’t actually know what any of his stances were before casting my own vote; I had based my decision on all his controversial sound bites I’d heard on the news. I abhor all the disparaging comments he’s made about Hispanics and women like any person with a heart and a brain, but I never actually took the time to research what Trump proposed to do until after he was elected. Although I don’t agree with many of his positions, I found his policies to be less extreme than I had been led to believe, and there were even some that I could get behind–like reforming the tax code. I still wouldn’t have voted for him, but what if every American took the time to research each candidate’s solutions to the issues rather than relying on the media to inform a purely emotional decision at the polls like I did? How many of us did that on Tuesday, and what would things look like if we hadn’t?
  10. Zooey Deschanel is annoying.
  11. SNL is gonna be hilarious for the next four years. Donald Trump is wrong about Alec Baldwin’s impression of Donald Trump: he is perfect. I am also looking forward to hearing Trump repeatedly pronounce China like “Gina” just as Bush pronounced nuclear as “nuke-ular.”
  12. Pineapple should never be found near a pizza, let alone ON TOP OF IT. This is the real evil that is plaguing our country.

Overall, I think I learned a lot from Trump’s election. I am motivated to become a better citizen so that we don’t end up with Clinton vs. Trump again. But more importantly, I’m going to start a Super PAC to get pineapple off of our nation’s pizzas.



Nope. Just, nope.

A few months in to our relationship, Scott and I were walking to his car in a parking lot. We passed one of those Volkswagen beetles with the eyelashes above the headlights. Scott stopped in his tracks, turned to me, and said gravely, “If I found out that you had a car with eyelashes on it, I would dump you. Seriously. Dealbreaker.”

I laughed about it, but as we continued dating and even into our engagement and our marriage, we learned things about each other that were shocking and made us question the foundation of our relationship. Things like:

  • not loving Lord of the Rings enough
  • thinking Emma Stone is overrated
  • liking LL Cool J more than Jamie Foxx
  • liking Parks & Rec more than 30 Rock
  • thinking that raspberry jam is better than strawberry
  • drinking Diet Coke at 8:30 AM
  • loving Larry Fitzgerald too much
  • hating Larry Fitzgerald because your husband loves him more than you
  • not remembering the names of all Game of Thrones characters
  • knowing “too much” about Game of Thrones
  • never using lotion
  • hogging the covers
  • having too many shoes
  • bugging me about having too many shoes
  • avoiding emptying the dishwasher
  • avoiding emptying the dishwasher

(In case you’re curious, Scott’s atrocities are in pink and mine are in blue, because DISMANTLE THE PATRIARCHY!)


The best show ever…WAY BETTER THAN PARKS & REC

Despite us screaming, “DEALBREAKER!” as we discovered these troubling beliefs and habits, obviously, none of these things are a big deal. So why do so many people–both in real life and in the media–end relationships over these petty “dealbreakers”? I once had a friend who broke up with a guy because she “couldn’t picture him playing football with their kids.” I just watched an episode of a TV show where a guy broke up with an otherwise completely unobjectionable girl because she used a different type of coding software than he did. WTF? No wonder the divorce rate is 50%.

Before I got married, I just kind of assumed that I would meet someone that I have things in common with, and since we liked the same things we’d like being around each other and then we’d stay together. I dated several people before meeting my husband and eventually one of us would end it for one reason or another, but I never really thought about why. Was it really because he didn’t like Billy Madison? Or because he was too short? Or because he had a dumb tattoo? No…there were deeper issues going on in all those relationships that caused them to end.

Ever since my decision to get married, I started thinking about what my actual dealbreakers would be. Things I could not see past in a partner. Things that Scott did not possess to any degree, which is why I married him:

  • believing that women are not equal to men
  • insecure about masculinity; tendency to be irrationally possessive or jealous
  • not supporting me in my career or education
  • wanting kids right away
  • wanting a ton of kids
  • being anti-religion
  • being over-religious
  • abusive in any way
  • dependence on drugs and/or alcohol
  • infidelity

Honestly, that was all I could think of. Anything else I could probably deal with. And when looking at the reasons I ended some of my past relationships: distance, timing, “I really need to focus on school,” participating in Occupy Wall Street, or possible gingivitis, it’s really because they showed signs of one of these actual dealbreakers above.

I think we expect all too much from our partners. One of these irrational expectations is that they will enjoy all the same things we enjoy or share the same opinions on entertainment, politics, family, you name it. Anyone who expects this from their partner may be very disappointed. I fully expect to spend the rest of my life watching Lord of the Rings while my husband rolls his eyes on the couch next to me, and he will watch Arizona Cardinals games while I loudly object to all the nice things he says about Larry Fitzgerald. But we chose each other not because of our jam preferences or opinions on NBC comedies, we chose each other because we measured up to the list that really matters.

Now this is the part where you say “Aaaaawwwwwwwwww!”

Adulthood: Being Tired Forever

My first week of graduate school is now in the books. I’m happy to say that I love my program so far. I feel some relief in knowing that after two years, three graduate placement exams, and changing my mind over and over and over again, I’m in a program that’s right for me.

That’s not to say that I haven’t experienced drawbacks as well. I can’t remember another time in my life when I’ve been so tired. But the point of this post is not to brag about how busy I am, which is, as we’ve established, stupid. I’ve recently realized, as the product of a conversation with my “work bae” Jenna (who is infinitely more dedicated to her schoolwork, workout regimen, and many volunteer activities than I can ever dream to be), that this fatigue I’m feeling will never end. At the rate I’m going, it’ll take me three years to graduate from my program because six credits a semester is all I can afford to do. Once I graduate, Scott and I will probably try to have kids. And if I find working full-time while in a graduate program to be exhausting, I can’t imagine how exhausting it will be to have kids: sleepless nights filled with crying and bed-wetting and nightmares. And then there’s all the stuff that the kids will do at night!

The older and busier I get in my career, the older and busier the kids will get in their lives too. And while I’m sure all the things I will be invested in in my life–both personally and professionally–will be fulfilling and worthwhile, I can’t help but think: “Wow. This run-down, exhausted feeling I have? It’s never going to go away. Not while I’m a productive member of society, that is. In fact, it will probably just get worse.”

Sometimes the physical limitations of being human really frustrate me. There are so many things I would do with my time and energy if I just had more of it! And while I harp on people who make excuses for not doing the things they should, in reality, I understand. We all do, to an extent. My alarm rings at 5 AM on Tuesday morning prompting me to get up and go to the gym, but I was in class until 10 PM the night before. It just seems impossible to get up, even though I know other people do it every day. My body is crying out for rest. How do I draw the line between giving my body what it craves, or forcing myself to postpone it and do something good for me like exercise? Are we all taking on too much, or am I just lazy?

In reality, the answer is this: If you are an adult, you’re going to be tired all the time. Forever. Might as well get used to it. You’re never going to want to do anything worthwhile–get up and put on your best face at work, spend time with your significant other/children/family members, socialize, get an education, get out of your comfort zone, get and stay healthy–but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Fatigue is what it is, a byproduct of anything that is worth doing. Don’t try to fight it. Embrace it, and know that if you’re tired it means you’re at least doing something.

P.S. Here is a link to where they sell 5-Hour Energy in bulk.

Weird Olympic Events

Like most Americans, I love watching the Olympics, because I am not a communist. Scott and I turn on NBC every day after work. There’s my favorites: swimming, track & field, gymnastics, diving, beach volleyball, etc., but every now and then when handball or trampoline or modern pentathlon comes on, I’m like “WTF? How is this a thing and why is it an Olympic sport?” And then on the other end of the spectrum you have sports like baseball, which is played all across the world, that are not in the Olympics for some reason.

I started thinking about who makes these decisions and why. I found it helpful to picture myself in whatever board room full of international sport executives and imagine their reasoning as to why the Olympics are the way they are:

151144519420km and 50km Race Walk: “Well, we have events for running. But what about people who are sorta good at running but are really good at almost running?”

“Yes! Finally, the world will know who is the best at not-running!”

*the Committee erupts into cheers*

Steeplechase: “Let’s have them run around the track a buncha times. And sometimes, there’s a giant hurdle, and they hafta go over it and sometimes there’s water at the bottom.”

“…Why water?”

“I dunno, it would just be cool. They’d get all wet.”

*everyone murmurs in agreement*

Discus, Hammer, and Javelin Throw: “I think we should have an event where people throw things.”

“Just one thing? I think we could do better.”

“What about…three different things? One skinny thing, one round thing, and one heavy thing? We could call it: ‘How Far Can People Throw Things?'”

“Nah, let’s split it into three different events so we can get higher ratings.”

Olympics+Day+2+Canoe+Slalom+EJe1tvsehnplCanoe Slalom: “What is a slalom?”

“Nobody knows.”

“I just like the way it sounds. Let’s make it a thing.”

Cycling BMX: “Guys, I feel like we don’t have any events for the Douchebag populations across the world. We need to address this.”

*everyone nods righteously*

Equestrian: “I just had a GREAT IDEA: The Olympics, but for horses!”

“Well…why don’t we just have white people ride the horses and then take credit for all the work they do?”

“That is what white people do best, after all.”


gymnastics14_1720458iRhythmic Gymnastics: “What if we had gymnastics, but there were props involved?”

“Like what sort of props?”

“I dunno…like, a ball? A ribbon? Batons?”

“Wow, Carrot Top is gonna DOMINATE this event.”

Handball: “What if we had a sport that was basically soccer, but the exact opposite?”

American delegate: “TELL ME MORE!”

17vcpg0ot0y65jpgModern Pentathlon: “This tradition is not stupid at all. We should continue doing it.”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense to have separate events for pistol shooting, fencing, swimming, horse riding, and running? Why do we need an event that combines all five of them?”

*the former delegate pulls out a pistol and shoots the latter delegate in the chest*

“Any other objections?”

*everyone shakes their heads furiously*

Trampoline: “So, our other ‘Suburban Backyard Sports’ events haven’t tested so well: Croquet, Slip ‘n’ Slide, Synchronized Swingsets, and Rolly Polly Catching were all flops. Trampoline is the only possibility at this point.”

“Ugh. I was really hoping Olympic Slip ‘n’ Slide would become a thing.”


Note: If you are an Olympic athlete competing in any of these events, please, please, do not beat me up.

Snapchat Pet Peeves

It took me a while to get in to Snapchat. At first I thought it was only for NBA players to accidentally post nudes and thought it was dumb that the posts disappear after 24 hours. However, I soon realized that the fact that posts disappear is THE BEST THING about Snapchat. Why? Because, if you’re anything like me, you post stuff on social media that you think is cool at the time but actually just ends up sounding dumb–as I am constantly reminded by my Timehop app. (“Ugh, why did I tweet random Frank Ocean lyrics twice a day in 2011?! Oh, right, I was trying to seem sexy.”)

Snapchat is a great way to get a literal glimpse of peoples’ lives and not necessarily have to interact with them if you don’t want to.If you’re not interested in something, you can just tap through it and your feed goes straight to the next post. It’s way less time to check your Snapchat feed than it is to check your Facebook or Twitter feeds. Facebook is for major life events, Instagram is for photos that you’re proud of and want to memorialize, and Twitter is for commentary on news/sports games/award shows/other live events. But what about all the rest? What about the mildly interesting or quirky occasions that don’t necessarily need to be remembered? That is visceral, fleeting Snapchat territory.

But now that I’ve used it enough, just like other social media platforms, there is behavior I see almost daily on Snapchat that really busts my balls and is sure to result in an “unfollow”…eventually. But first, I’m gonna complain about it.

  1. Filters. They can be fun, but it’s very easy to abuse them. Before you post a selfie of yourself as a dog or a bumblebee or a deceivingly prettier version of yourself with a crown of flowers, think to yourself: “Would I be annoyed if I had to tap through 26 of my friends with dog and bumblebee and flower crown faces every day?” Because the answer, if you can’t guess, is YES. Everybody please, please cool it with the filters–if I’m following you, that I means I already know what you look like. I can probably stretch my imagination to envision what your face looks like with the dog or bumblebee or flower crown filter, because guess what? It’s the exact same as everyone else’s.


    I found this on the internet and it perfectly encapsulates my feelings about the dog filter.

  2. Driving. WHAT ARE YOU DOING SNAPPING WHILE DRIVING?!!! You’re gonna kill someone! Every time I see a shot of the Strip or L.A. or the Utah countryside taken from the driver’s seat, I die a little inside. These snaps are not interesting enough to warrant vehicular manslaughter.
  3. Sending people snaps that are the same as your Story. If I’m following you and you posted a Story, I’m probably going to look at it anyway. You don’t need to send it directly to me too. Unless it specifically is for me, then just put it on your Story and I will see it like everyone else.
  4. Excessive chatting. FYI, the chat function on Snapchat is not a good venue for “keeping in touch.” Send me a Facebook message where you can actually fit all the words you want to type if you want to catch up.
  5. Volume. Video snaps can be way cool and there are a lot of people I follow who are really good at them. But the occasions when I’m around people looking at snaps with the volume on are SUPER annoying. If you’re on Snapchat in a public place, do everyone a favor and either set it to mute or check it later when you’re by yourself.
  6. Floating head videos. Don’t take snaps of yourself talking, because half of your followers don’t have the sound on if they’re not tryna be RUDE and commit Annoying Snapchat Violation #5. If you want to have a video diary, there’s another app for that, and it’s called YouTube.
  7. Snaps of THE SAME THING, OVER AND OVER in succession. “You’re at a concert! That looks fun! Oh, it’s a man playing a song on his guitar. That’s cool. Oh! There’s another snap…of the same man. Playing a different song this time. (Maybe? All country music sounds the same to me.) Oh, and now there he is playing another–well, screw this, ain’t nobody got time for 37 Garth Brooks songs in a row!”
  8. Snaps of things that are also on other social media sites. I already saw this exact photo on your Instagram, which is also linked to your Facebook and your Twitter. You just REALLY wanted me to see your nephew and his dog in the grass, didn’t you?
  9. Dick pics. UGH stop sending me nudes, Draymond! I’m a married woman!